Cause you're desperate
by CrayCrayForNayNay
Summary: Based on the song "Desperate" by Stanfour. Santana finds herself sitting at Quinn's bed in the hospital after her accident.


_**You´re reachin´out  
And no one hears  
you cry **_

You're eyes hurt. How long are you already sitting here? 4 hours, maybe 5? You completely lost the sense of time and space and whenever you look over to her, you can't help but cry. Her blonde hair falls across her face, her eyes closed like she's just in a peaceful sleep. You pray that she'll open them. Just for one moment so you know everything's going to be okay

_**You´re freakin´out again  
Cause all your fears  
remind you**_

It's is hard for you to sit still. You're knees are weak, you're feet won't let you walk long ways, but you're strong enough to walk around in the room, running your hand through your dark hair. This day started so good. You laughed with her, making jokes about how stupid Berry is to marry someone like Finn. You smile at the memory, wiping away a tear._****_

Another dream, has come undone  
You feel so small and lost  
Like you´re the only one

Every minute that passes by makes you feel even more tired and exhausted. You sit down again, grabbing her cold hand. There's just one wish. You hope she'd squeez it gently. The sound of the oxygen resuscitation apparatus makes you crazy. You want to shut it down just to be surrounded by silence and her silent breath.  
_**  
You wanna scream  
Cause you´re desperate**_

The thought of losing her is unbearable. Why do you even think about it? Are you trying to prepare yourself for the worst? Do you really think you can prepare yourself for this? It is stupid, naiv…and you know it. You don't know if you really screamed out loud, but it felt good. Good to let it out for one moment. You're head falls into the mattress, you want to sleep. Sure, you have to go home sometime, but you really don't want to.

_**You want somebody just anybody  
To lay their hands on your soul tonight **_

Were are all your friends? Everyone who helped you in your hardest time? Are they not willing to help you again? No, to help her? Now that she needed so much strength and energy? Is that too much to ask? For someone to be there for you AND her?  
_**  
You want a reason  
To keep believin´  
That someday  
You´re gonna see the light**_

Yes, you were a bitch. The worst at school. But you need them, you love them. Deep down inside, you love each and everyone of them and it kills you that noone seems to care about you in this moment. Only Brittany. But you sent her home hours ago. She was a freaking mess, just like you right now. Can someone just sit down next to you and tell you this is going to be okay? That this is going to be alright soon and she'll wake up, smiling at you?

_**It´s 3a.m.  
There´s no one left  
to call**_

You gasp. You fell asleep next to her, you neck hurts because of the weird position you slept in. 3 a.m…it's 3 a.m and you're still here, holding her hand. Why did noone wake you? Not even a doctor. Maybe they knew you're too weak to drive home yourself. You should've called you mom or dad or even Mr. Schue or Brittany, but they were all sad and knew how hard this must be for you.  
_**  
And sleep´s your only friend  
But even sleep  
can´t hide you**_

You thought sleep would help you a bit, make you feel slightly better, but that was wrong. You feel just as horrible. You rub your eyes to stay awake this time and you just realize now that you're still wearing your bridesmaids dress. Urgh, how you hate it now. If only she wouldn't have answered her phone. If only Berry wasn't so impatient.

_**From all those tears  
And all the pain  
And all those years you wasted  
Pushing them away**_

It kills you. The tears start streaming down your face again and you silently sob into her blanket. All the memories rushing through your head right now. Was it really going to end this way?  
_**  
You´re goin´down  
It´s time you face it**_

It's getting late. 4 a.m, 5 a.m. And the tears won't stop falling. You never knew you could cry this much. And all this for one person. The person you've known your whole life. You already knew her before she turned into this beautiful girl and she was the only one who knew the real you right from the beginning.

_**You want somebody just anybody  
To lay their hands on your soul tonight  
You want a reason  
To keep believin´  
That someday  
You´re gonna see the light**_

_**Cause you´re desperate desperate  
You´re desperate now**_

_**You think that things  
Are gonna change **_

The days in kindergarten were you played with her and your dolls. The days in High school were you shouted at each other, trying to make each other's lifes a living hell. Everything is in your head now and it made you sad that you might never get the chance to tell her how much she means to you.  
_**  
Then you´re back to be feelin´strange  
What´s it take to  
Make you feel alive**_

Your thumb gently strokes the back of her hand. It feels so wrong to see her like this. She was suppose to smile at you, laugh with you. You realize it's time to go home, get some rest from everything that's happening. You'll definitely sit here again soon, holding her hand and trying to ignore this damn sound from the oxygen resuscitation.

_**desperate **__**(desperate, desperate)**__**  
desperate **__**(desperate, desperate)**_

_**You want somebody just anybody  
To lay their hands on your soul tonight  
You want a reason  
To keep believin´  
That someday  
You´re gonna see the light  
You want somebody just anybody  
To lay their hands on your soul tonight  
You want a reason  
To keep believin´  
That someday  
You´re gonna see the light**_

You get up, gently stroking her cheek before pressing a soft kiss on it. „Don't leave me alone, Q!", you whisper, your voice still weak and shaky. „I love you!"


End file.
